Time to Reflect- Remembering the Past

Yesterday I was able to reflect back to a couple of years ago to 2008. Back in 2005-2007 my husband was doing well with his own business. He started up his own contacting business doing remodels, add-ons, door installs, window installations, paint to trim. Things were going well we had hired on a group of great, hard working men, who performed well in the work that they did. We tried to be a fair as we could and we wanted it to be a win-win situation for everyone involved, the employee's, sub-contractors, customers and the business as a whole. Around the February-March of "08" Glen met with his accountant and then he met with me. The news was not what I expected or even wanted to hear. I remember Glen took me to lunch at a local sandwich shop in Eagle at Quizzno's and revealed to me what was discussed at the meeting that he went to with our accountant. My heart sank deep into the pit of my stomach as he laid out where we were with our current situations with our company "Eagle Specialties" The company had accumulated more debt and we had a customer who still owed us over $10,000.00 and sadly did not feel that they needed to pay Glen's company the remaining amount. With the cost of paying the employee's, workmen comp insurance, taxes, accountant fee's, the monthly office bill, truck payments, and paying on the other bills that we had, we recognized that we were in big trouble! Things were going Great, but that all ended to soon. I had KD's Childcare which was ex termly successful and I had hired on an employee who I absolutely loved working with. Glen and I talked about what we could do and did A LOT of praying and fasting. We wanted to do anything, but bankruptcy. After long nights, many discussions with Glen and A LOT of Tears, we realized that we could no longer afford to pay for the cost of employee's, especially with the way the market economy was going. We still had a customer with a balance of 10,000.00 dollars with no intentions of paying and we no jobs were lining up. Glen even went down town at the Home and Garden Show with Boise Center of the Grove and set up a booth for Eagle Specialities. He received a lot of contact information from people that were there, but even with our Assistant Jenny calling to set up times for Glen to come, do bids and estimates people just weren't doing anything. It's like everything FROZE! We knew with the way that things were going that we had to let all of our employee's go. I remember that morning clear as day. It was raining that morning and I went and got doughnuts and chocolate milk. We had everyone met at the office in the conference room and then Glen explained that with the way things were going we could no longer afford to have the employee's. Everyone one was kind and seemed to be understanding of the situation. That was an emotional day for both Glen and I, it was the last thing that we wanted to do, but it was something that we knew we needed to do. After that meeting Glen and I talked and we decided that we had to let Alyssa go as well, since we needed that extra income to pay for expense and I wasn't going to school at the time I would take over the childcare full time by myself. I came home and explain to Alyssa the situation and that we were letting her go, it was heart breaking to do that and all that we did that day. I have heard that business is business, but it's hard not to allow your emotions to get involved, because honestly they do. We ended up letting Jenny go as well and we got rid of the office. I remember the day that we let everyone go, about a week later Glen and I found out that the company that Glen used to work for "Stilen Doors" had closed down it's shop on that same Monday we let everyone go. We also found out that Franklin Building Supply and Stone Lumber had laid off about 30%-40% of their employee's. It truly felt to me like time stood still the day that I found that information out. It felt like I was in the middle of a current econ mic depression! I remember thinking to my self and wondering when all of the parking lots at the stores would no longer be full of cars but instead be filled with silence with no one on the streets. I can honestly say that I was waiting and preparing myself for that to happen. Among these trial we still wanted to do everything that we could to pay off the business debt that we had. So after discussing it more we decided that we would sell our house and take the equity from the sell to pay off most of our business debt. We met with a Realtor and within a week (if not a few days) our house was on the market. We were going to close down the childcare, move into an apartment downtown Boise by the University and focus full time on school. I remember that I even had a closing date for the childcare. I had some parents pull there kids out due to the fact that we were going to be moving, some of the kids moved away out to Nampa, and one parent got mad that we were moving and closing down to go to school. What can you say, I guess that you can't please everyone. I had some kids stay, I remember their parents saying, "We aren't leaving until you tell us that we can't come here anymore." I am truly grateful for the parents that stayed and continued to have me care for their children during this difficult time in our life. I will be eternally grateful for their love and support they gave us. We ended up having our house on the market for a few months and prayed that if our home was supposed to sell that it would. Well I think that we had maybe 2 people look at it during the time that it was on the market. Something about having on the market didn't feel right after having it out their for a few months, so we took it off and decided that Bankruptcy was our only option. Glen went and found an attorney and the process got started. We would receive 30-50 phone calls a day and our messages on our answering machine would fill up as fast as we emptied it. We had men come to our door to collect the company trucks and threaten to take Glen to jail if he didn't give them back, we were harassed over the phone numerous times. Looking back at this experience you can say that times were hard. We felt/were judged by people and felt the humiliation of even talking about bankruptcy. I remember feeling drained emotionally, physically, and even spiritually. I felt temptations that I haven't felt in a really, really, really long time and the temptations WERE STRONG..!!! I remember feeling so angry at Glen for starting up the company and would at times blame him for what we were going through. It breaks my heart to realize that I did that to him, and I am sorry for it. This company was as much as his decision as it was mine. I remember feeling like I just wanted to leave, like seriously LEAVE and not come back until it was better. I remember being tempted to drink and go to bars. You know we all heard the saying drink the pain away. Hard Liquor never had looked so appealing as it did during that time in my life. I remember wanting to go and get tattoo's, but I knew if I did that it would affect my family in a way that I didn't want it to in the long run. As a parent I feel like kids learn from example and so I decided not to get one, as it might affect some of their decision later in life. Even though it's still tempting to get one sometimes, I know that it's probably best not to get any. As I have written about my experience over the past two year I realize that we have been blessed in the process. Even though bankruptcy was something that we DID NOT want to do, we have lived through it. We have a better understanding at life and the reality of things that can happen. I feel that Glen and I have grown and become stronger in the process. We are now able to focus on school full time and get that done. We have a roof over our head, food to eat, clothes on our backs, warm bed to sleep in, amazing family and friends that have supported us and shown their love and concern. I am still doing the Childcare and I am going back to school Full Time to obtain my degree in Early Childhood Education and hope to minor in Health and Fitness or Exercise Science. Glen is no longer doing window installs with the Home Depot, but has been working down at the school with the Boise State Research Department working with DNA nao-structures. Even though the things that we went through were extremely difficult for us and caused pain, heart, sleepless nights and A LOT of tears I feel blessed and know that I am stronger because of it. This reflection has been difficult for me to look back on and write about and it leaves a thump in my throat to reread it but as I have done so I feel a sense of relief that I could not have felt if I didn't do this. Life is interesting in the journeys and the roads that it takes us down, but I know that we can only grown through our struggles and pains. I feel it is important to document or journal your past experiences as they are a part of your life and who you are. I am excited for what the future holds and look forward to my tomorrows with a renewed sense of joy and gratitude.